Eu sei, eu sei!... Estou atrasada... O Outono (que mais parecia o Inverno, caramba!) chegou as 6h34 da manhã do dia 21(sim, eu estava acordada, eu vi o Verão ir-se embora).

«On What Happened»

- in http://aepha.blogspot.com/

«To sum it up: my mother thinks my brothers and I are harboring smocked dresses. In her mind we are deliberately withholding them, and this is a very very bad thing. Period.

A person experiencing untreated schizophrenia is typically characterized as demonstrating disorganized thinking, and as experiencing delusions.

The problem is, when I got her torn up piece of shit legal pad note in the mail, I went numb. All of my emotional systems shut down. Except for the fact that I was vibrating internally, the panic attack was suppressed as I almost wholly refused to speak for the rest of the evening. I didn't cry.

The term schizophrenia translates roughly as "shattered mind," and comes from the Greek schizo, "to split" or "to divide" and phren, "mind".

I screamed in the car. I put on my brave face. I went to therapy and was so affected when trying to discuss the situation, my mouth went dry. I could hardly speak from the internal shaking. And I still didn't cry.

Although no common cause of schizophrenia has been identified in all individuals diagnosed with the condition, currently most researchers and clinicians believe it results from a combination of both brain vulnerabilities (either inherited or acquired) and stressful life-events.

Yesterday at work, there were too many people in the lonely basement office and my systems were overstimulated. I kept a smiley face, spoke clearly and quietly, suppressed the vibrations, and finally came home.

Childhood experiences of abuse or trauma have also been implicated as risk factors for a diagnosis of schizophrenia later in life.

Then the cat meowed. Like 25 times. So I threw shit: into the hallway. Into the kitchen. And the next thing I remember, my husband was holding me where he found me: fetal on the red rug, sobbing and heaving on the kitchen floor.

Since psychosis is associated with greater levels of right brain hemisphere activation and a reduction in the usual left brain hemisphere dominance, our language abilities may have evolved at the cost of causing schizophrenia when this system breaks down.

Fuck this is dramatic. I'm sorry.

Researchers into shamanism have speculated that in some cultures schizophrenia or related conditions may predispose an individual to becoming a shaman.

Everytime I hear from my mother, which is on average once a year, it brings up everything I have ever gone through with and about her. Except this time, it was different---I have never felt so fucking destroyed. Something inside of me shifted this time around. A bottom dropped. A wall up. A light out.

Individuals who are at risk for developing a psychotic illness usually experience mental and emotional changes before more serious symptoms develop. These early signs are often non-specific, sometimes, even barely noticeable. The unexpected decline in a person's usual way of functioning or relating to others is the most common indicator of an early sign of risk. This early period is called the "prodromal" period (or Prodrome) by psychiatrists.

I had my last day with the newage boss (who's off meditating with monks for a week in silent retreat). I start a new job on Monday. I regret that Mother knows how to find me, and that's what feels worst of all.

For in that tragedy, madness ends in catastrophe.»

Put things in perspective.

«If a tree falls in the forest, will YOU make a sound?»

- in The Simpsons

Trees can't run away.

Soldier Side - by Daron Malakian, System of a Down


Dead men lying on the bottom of the grave
Wondering when Savior comes
Is he gonna be saved
Maybe you're a sinner into your alternate life
Maybe you're a joker, maybe you deserve to die

They were crying when their sons left
God is wearing black
He's gone so far to find no hope
He's never coming back

They were crying when their sons left
All young men must go
He's come so far to find the truth
He's never going home

Young men standing on the top of their own graves
Wondering when Jesus comes
Are they gonna be saved
Cruelty to the winner, Bishop tells the King his lies
Maybe you're a mourner, maybe you deserve to die

They were crying when their sons left
God is wearing black
He's gone so far to find no hope
He's never coming back

They were crying when their sons left
All young men must go
He's come so far to find no truth
He's never going home

Welcome to the Soldier Side
Where there's no one here but me
People all grow up to die
There is no one here but me

Welcome to the Soldier Side
Where there's no one here but me
People on the soldier's side
There is no one here but me

Educação... a.k.a....

...Traçadinho - António Vicente


Vejo a lua duas vezes (hic)
E o céu está a abanar....
Que diabo aconteceu?
Como é que aqui vim parar?

As pernas estão-me a tremer,
Isto agora vai ser bom...!
Queria cantar um fadinho,
Mas não acerto com o tom!!

Desta vez estou mesmo à rasca...
Vou-me pirar de mansinho...
Não volto aquela tasca!!
Não bebo mais traçadinho!!

Tenho a guitarra partida,
Esta noite é p’ra desgraça!!
Não conheço esta avenida...
Afinal o que se passa?!

Esta vida é de loucos,
Esta vida é ir e vir....
Porque um homem bebe uns copos,
Começa logo a cair...

O Infante

Deus quer, o homem sonha, a obra nasce.
Deus quis que a terra fosse toda uma,
Que o mar unisse, já não separasse.
Sagrou-te, e foste desvendando a espuma,

E a orla branca foi de ilha em continente,
Clareou, correndo, até ao fim do mundo,
E viu-se a terra inteira, de repente,
Surgir, redonda, do azul profundo.

Quem te sagrou criou-te português.
Do mar e nós em ti nos deu sinal.
Cumpriu-se o Mar, e o Império se desfez.
Senhor, falta cumprir-se Portugal!

Fernando Pessoa, Mensagem

When I heard at the close of the day

When I heard at the close of the day how my name had been receiv'd
with plaudits in the capitol, still it was not a happy night
for me that follow'd;
And else, when I carous'd, or when my plans were accomplish'd, stillI was not happy;
But the day when I rose at dawn from the bed of perfect health,
refresh'd, singing, inhaling the ripe breath of autumn,
When I saw the full moon in the west grow pale and disappear in themorning light,
When I wander'd alone over the beach, and undressing, bathed,
laughing with the cool waters, and saw the sun rise,
And when I thought how my dear friend, my lover, was on his way
coming, O then I was happy;
O then each breath tasted sweeter--and all that day my food nourish'dme more--and the beautiful day pass'd well,
And the next came with equal joy--and with the next, at evening, came
my friend;
And that night, while all was still, I heard the waters roll slowly
continually up the shores,
I heard the hissing rustle of the liquid and sands, as directed tome, whispering, to congratulate me,
For the one I love most lay sleeping by me under the same cover in
the cool night,
In the stillness, in the autumn moonbeams, his face was inclinedtoward me,
And his arm lay lightly around my breast--and that night I was happy

Walt Whitman

Vocabulário de Estágio

«Deixe-me só acabar de terminar aqui a minha chamada, dótôra...»

«ambos os dois»

«ambos os três»

«'tou cheia de inquietações»

«Ó Dótôra, eu venho cá pa ver se a dótôra pede assim pra porem o meu sobrinho numa prisão melhorzinha, sabe... é que senão ele vai ser muito mal tratado, sabe... é que ele é homem sexual e tóxico independente, sabe...»

Estas, entre outras preciosidades...

Aula de Direito (apontamentos)

«(...) éstos son los caracteres de toda "ciencia" jurídica según mis apuntes:
1. Intersubjetividad.
Y pone literalmente esta sandez incomprensible: "el vocablo intersubjetividad alude a la dimensión pluridimensional que manifiestan las relaciones contempladas por el Derecho". (...)»

- Kinderzimmer sobre o Direito Canónico.

Russians - Sting

In Europe and America
There's a growing feeling of hysteria
Conditioned to respond to all the threats
In the rhetorical speeches of the Soviets.

Mister Krushchev said, "We will bury you"
I don't subscribe to his point of view
It'd be such an ignorant thing to do
If the Russians love their children too.

How can I save my little boy
From Oppenheimer's deadly toy?
There is no monopoly of common sense
On either side of the political fence!

We share the same biology
Regardless of ideology!
Believe me when I say to you
I hope the Russians love their children too.

There is no historical precedent
To put the words in the mouth of the president...                                                              Agência Reuters
It's a lie we don't believe anymore!...

There's no such thing as a winnable war,
Mister Reagan says, "He will protect you"
I don't subscribe to his point of view
Believe me when I say to you
I hope the Russians love their children too.

We share the same biology
Regardless of ideology
What might save us, me and you,
Is if the Russians love their children too.